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41
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 Bella
'Claws' McCaw, is the sub-editor of MarineZine!
Having sailed some 37,000 sea miles herself,
as second mate of the schooner Leopard Normand III, she feels she's entitled to her say.
Although she is, quite frankly, a parrot of very few words (most of them quite unprintable in a family publication) she has a certain way of demonstrating her disapproval. You don't need a shredder with a parrot on board.
Bella should be addressed on all matters which do not appear to fit into any of the extensive set of categories
provided and all letters intended to reach the eyes of Cap'n Robbie, our Executive Editor, must first pass under Bella's beady eye. She will,
with a little assistance, sort the letters out and present them to him for review.
She is very energetic, so don't be afraid of overburdening her with your letters.
She looks forward to hearing from you and so do we! Here goes then...
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Dear Editor,
Your problem page editor, Dinah De'Ath, evidently finds my plight amusing but she should be reminded that women must show solidarity in times of trouble. I was shocked to see that she left out the part of my letter where I pointed out that I have never been a materialistic person.
I was made to look like a common gold-digger whereas all my friends will tell you I wouldn't be seen dead in less than platinum, for it reminds me of those dignified streaks in my husband's hair. I expect an apology.
Yours offendedly,
Ms. Sue Perficial.
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[Ed replies: Sorry, Ma'am. but Dinah's only comment was a rather unpleasant-sounding expulsion of air from the nasal cavities and "Yeah. Right!". It is the best I can
offer by way of the apology you demand.]
(Ed's note: D. D'A's in the
Humour section, for those that have any sense of it...)
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Dear Editor,
Your publication is an insult to the yachting press. Everyone knows that sailing is the sport of gentlemen. Persons of quality, such as myself, who regard the subject in the serious manner it deserves, are appalled at the levity with which you approach your topics.
You show a disgraceful ignorance of all matters nautical and would be well advised to leave the subject to your superiors.
Cyril Fauntley-Smugge Esq.
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[Ed Replies: It is always nice to receive a personal note from an orifice and a gentleman, though I suspect I haven't received any from the latter category in this mailbag. Are you the same Cyril Fauntley-Smugge who, when a guest aboard my yacht, transmitted a 'Mayday' alert because I would not agree to plot way-points on the G.P.S. of my sailing vessel? No, don't bother to reply, I recognise the handwriting and have no desire to enter into correspondence.]
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Dear Editor,
This is a nice magazine. Very nice. I went on a boat once. I wasn't very well, all over the captain. Well, I didn't know about things like 'into the wind' and all that nautical stuff, did I? Anyway, I feel I am the right person to write for you about
'cash-flow', which I see you have a section for. I have a great deal of experience in cash
flow. Right through my fingers. For a reasonable salary package, company car, six weeks summer holidays, pension plan, etc., etc., I would be willing to consider working for you. Of course you will have to advance me...
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[Ed comments: The rest of this has been Bella'd. In fact I do not entirely comprehend why she gave me any of it... I must say, I like the sound of the job he wanted. Wonder if I can get paid for doing this?
Sorry, dear, just kidding around, of course it's a labour of love. Well a labour, anyway...]
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Well, keep those letters coming, folks!
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